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He held the record until May 2005 when Australian comedian, Anthony Lehmann squeezed in 549 gags37.' I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out! 'A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. "because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." ' 27. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

the act of associating horniness with a particular person. what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet. the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men. a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man. a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another.

Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. "A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is …”There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl.

I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. " So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.

She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'It also features risqué jokes about religion, anorexia - and animal cruelty. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs. 'I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".' 14. 'A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!

The study was carried out after a panel of eight comic critics voted the holiday joke by Tim Vine (brother of TV presenter Jeremy Vine) the best of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. 'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits? The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. ' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

And on Tinder, you’re expected to write her a clever message that makes you stand out from all the other guys. If it’s fun for her to think about and answer, her mind has already associated you with positive feelings – and that kind of emotional connection is essential if she’s going to say “yes” to a date.

Meanwhile, she probably hasn’t written a single interesting thing in her bio that you can use to break the ice! revealed that messages containing GIFs are 30% more likely to get a response, and the conversations last 2x longer. Pair a funny GIF with a message that ends with a question that makes it easy for her to respond.When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, "Oh goodie. Come on in and meet them." He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "Well, do you have any dates? I want to know how much did that date cost you..." "It cost me only four euros! As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. " And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates? And even if she does respond at first, she’s likely to stop responding to your messages before you get her number.Thanks to your boring conversation starter, taking things off the app is an uphill battle. Your icebreaker message should ask a question that entices her, excites her, or gets her imagination flowing.If your message fails to trigger some kind of pleasurable emotional response, your response rate will plummet. shows that talking about yourself is inherently pleasurable.