I feel like I can only condone or condemn the relationship, and neither one really sounds like the right thing.We made it to 17 without a bit of trouble, and now I just dont know how to handle it.Tell the (female preferably) doctor that she is probably/definitely (depending on what she admits to) sexually active, and your daughter can be in the exam without you.
YMMV, it doesn't sound like your daughter is heavy into rebellion, but you don't want to get into the whole forbidding/I can do whatever I want! That usually creates a motivation for the child to act just to make a point to the parents.Also, try to validate her feelings on this - I suspect she finds his "maturity" attractive, let her know that you understand that and admire that she values maturity. I think it would be important to express that you feel finishing school and focusing on college should be a priority.Then ask her if she thinks a 25 year old guy who dates a 17 year old is actually expressing maturity? You expect her to have relationships, that's normal.But you're worried that, because of where he is in life, it will distract her from her goals. It's unlikely you'll convince her to dump him, but if you can express your concerns thoughtfully, you may plant enough seeds with her. On the plus side, the Guy has been in contact, so he's not just some shady stranger, and now that this is out in the open you can at least try to set some rules.I cant change whats already happened; I just want to find the right way to deal with it and move on. Shes always had her head on straight, I dont think for a second she would allow anyone to pressure her into anything she didnt want to do, and Ive always believed she is WAY more sensible than I was at that age. He also said that he would do anything he could possibly do to show that he really cares for her. He has refused many times to even meet the Guy when he thought they were just friends, and now has labeled Guy a sick pervert.
I dont think hes some sicko perv, but I AM uncomfortable with the age difference.
Since then, he has driven their coed group of friends around town to movies and such on occasion for some months now.
This whole time, Ive been constantly asking why is a 25 year old guy ok with hanging out with a group of 17-18 year olds? But Daughter said that Guy doesnt drink and all his friends do, and he doesnt like to hang out with a bunch of drunk people. By now, Ive met Guy a few times and he actually seems like a nice person. Her dad and I (We are divorced, but try to keep a united front in the raising of the kids) found out they have been dating for a while and are possibly having sex.
Keeping your relationship with her as good as you can is about the best you can do.
And you might also ask her how she would feel about a male (or female, I guess) friend her own age dating a 12- or 13-year old (not the same difference in years, but IMHO you change just as much in those years as you do in your late teens and your twenties).
I've been a lurker here for some time, and I've seen some great advice given out. I found out that my 17 (18 in 6 months) year old daughter is dating a 25 year old guy that she had previously only been friends with, and Im not sure how to handle this.