Because of my tendency to view the men in my life as extensions of myself, I would become frustrated and discouraged when our relationship was less than picturesque.
I didn’t understand how to deal with conflict and I was always harboring feelings of inadequacy.
Above all, remember that no person has to prove themselves worthy of another person’s love and you are no exception to that.
” Has somebody ever said that to you—or several somebodies? Excellence means always doing your best and holding yourself to high standards while realizing that perfection is unattainable. We’ll gain freedom if we can learn that real worth is based on intrinsic qualities. Maybe no one needs to point it out because you are well aware of your perfectionism. Chances are that you are harder on yourself than others are. But persistent perfectionism can bring with it lots of problems: guilt, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and high blood pressure. Even situations or events that don’t go as well as you hoped have positive aspects. If you are a perfectionist and tired of trying to reach impossible standards, start with these steps: 1. Perfectionists have become conditioned to think in terms of black or white, good or bad, all or nothing. Beware of those automatic thoughts that shout, “You’re not good enough! ” Identifying those thoughts is a step toward countering them with more reasonable ones. My boyfriend is the epitome of spontaneous, and I order the same thing every time I eat out.
He is likely to stray during a hike, and I prefer to follow a precise trail and be back before sunset.
Instead of allowing shame and embarrassment to overwhelm you every time your discomfort becomes visible, muster up the courage to explain your struggle with perfectionism as well as your fear of letting him down. You are more than your intense work ethic and your daily visits to the gym.
It’s very likely he’s already picked up on these people-pleasing tendencies of yours.04. Now that you’re in a relationship, someone is going to bring out parts of you that you might not have discovered otherwise.
In the past I was always willing to jump into a romance with both feet—this time around I was filled with fear.
Every fiber in my body questioned whether or not it was worth it to let someone in.
Be aware of the underlying beliefs that drive your need for perfection. Practicing compassion for other people is good training for learning to show compassion for yourself. If you’ve learned unhealthy mental patterns, you can also learn new and healthy ones.