Although the warning signs were there from the outset, I chose to be blind to them and continue dating them anyway.Partly because I used to be a firm believer that love was capable of conquering all, and also, because I didn’t want to accept that the handsome, charming, funny guy at my side wasn’t capable of “adulting” in a relationship!Although the relationship will be full of cracks and they are not likely to last, the rollercoaster ride leaves both parties dizzy and constantly reeling. We are constantly learning and are subjected to a variety of stimuli on a daily basis that makes it entirely impossible to remain the same.
One of the most significant things that highlights these types of relationships from others is that both people take accountability for who they are and are able to admit where they are going wrong. They will still have their own problems and troubles to face, but the difference is that issues will be handled with maturity and also good communication.When someone is willing to put their hands up and accept their flaws half the battle has already been won.A simple way to look at it is to truly and honestly ask ourselves if we believe we are acting like an adult or like a child in our relationships.I’ve dated my fair share of men who were actually boys trapped emotionally in their younger years.I had been involved in intense dynamics whereby we foolishly believed at the time that if our relationship ended, our whole worlds would crumble with it.
Now, I see clearly how juvenile that was and how it was keeping us in a parent-child dependency rather than allowing us to function as two grown adults.
After all, the making up afterwards was the best part of all.
Although I hate admitting it, it’s all too often the truth—a mutual love of drama is what can hold childish relationships together. There will be no looking to the past wishing the meeting had taken place years before and no looking to the future wondering where the destination is. We can never expect the same person we start out with to be the same person at the end of the relationship.
I also used to think that love had to be a little messy to keep it exciting.
I believed that without drama relationships were calm but boring, and that it was okay to be a little volatile at times.
We wrongly believe it must be everyone else’s fault the relationships we’ve been in haven’t worked out. We have to become the type of person we want to be to be able to attract the same qualities in another.