Part of acceptance involves being aware that your person is suffering.
“Perhaps you believe she is manipulating you (or she is extremely willful), or that she could do better if only she would try harder and apply herself”.Porr asks, “Why would anyone want to be financially dependent on others, live on social security or welfare, continuously lose jobs or relationships, or spend so much time in the emergency room?Accepting this idea will help you to decrease your judgmental attitude and will help foster acceptance of the person as they are in the moment.” A person with BPD wants to improve but s/he lacks the skills to do what others take for granted.People with BPD are also encouraged to live in the moment.She posits that their problems occur because of an emotional vulnerability of the child and maladaptive or inadequate responses from their environment to emotion modulation strategies.
She suggests that a child can have problems either because parents are unable to sooth their children due to the child’s over emotionality and /or the over emotionality of the child creates an environment that causes the parents to react in invalidating ways.
An overview of Valerie Porr’s Book Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change (2010).* Families must try new strategies especially when their loved one refuses to get help.
Be assured that I do not want to blame parents for causing the problem. However parents can change their attitudes and improve their communication skills which will help their adult child.
Validation is mentioned in Marsha Linehan’s Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
To understand validation we need to understand the biosocial theory of BPD.
This makes the person feel less competent and creates dependency.