Instead, start by saying what caught your eye about their profile.If it’s just their dazzling smile or their sparkly blue eyes, that’s fine!That is EXACTLY the metaphor I use for private clients in describing the “tone” you want to capture in your initial contact.
Eg, say you both have a love for adventure travel — you see that he’s been trekking in Nepal, and has visited the Amazon…
Struggling to think of the right thing to say to an attractive match?
Once you tell him how great he is, he doesn’t know why he should write back. But the tone of that email should be flirty, funny, and challenging – the same as the email from a man that gets your attention.
POSTSCRIPT As to HOW to do something like that, here’s a link to my Finding the One Online program, which spends a full hour explaining how to email people online. Evan, Can you give an example of what would be an effective e-mail for a woman to write to a man?
Create something that’s witty and warm and demonstrates you’ve read their profile, as opposed to just flicking through their photos. Research has shown that people warm towards hearing their own name in conversation.
Use that scientific discovery to your own advantage, by starting your email with a “Hello [Username]” and not a non-specific “Hi.” If you want to create a feeling of warmth, shorten their name, use its initials, or create a nickname based on one of their interests. Everyone loves to read about themselves, so don’t begin your message by launching straight in about you.
Don’t feel you have to sell yourself or introduce yourself too much – as we’ve said, they’ll definitely visit your profile and read about you there. Plus, the shorter your first email, the more intriguing you’ll be. You might say you’re busy and leading a fun, full life, but if you’re sending emails at 9.00 on a Saturday night, how busy can you be..?
Similarly, if you claim to love your job but the time stamp on your message says you sent it at 9.30 on a Monday morning, your reader might doubt your career ethic.
Here is my question: Are men ok with women sending introductory emails to them? In some ways, I see a email hello similar to a come-hither look at a bar, etc.
but in other ways it seems very aggressive and therefore a turnoff to most men. Dear Jane, Your question brings up two of the most common mistakes that women make in online dating: 1) Waiting for Men to Write to You First 2) Telling Him What You Like About His Profile First things first: Men LOVE it when women write to them. If you have an attractive photo, interesting essay, and you’re in his target demographic, why WOULDN’T he be excited to hear from you?
This is basic, but sometimes daters forget that the first thing a match will do when they receive an interesting email is click on the profile of the person who sent it.