If you are a reasonably intelligent woman with some amount of self-esteem, you will eventually be branded as “crazy” by No Crazies Guy. See also: Men who refer to women as “females.” The shirtless photo. We’re all animals here—looks are a big part of the online dating game, so I don’t begrudge anyone for trying to look sexy.
I’ve noticed the same themes playing out among the worst online daters.Some men have learned to obscure the ugliest parts of their personalities on online dating sites, hoping you won’t notice their jealousy issues, racism, or stupidity. This list often includes the phrase “no crazy chicks.”What It Means: I’m not so stable myself.Most days, I would scroll through them for a minute or two, then get quickly overwhelmed and click “close tab.” For every 20 or 30 messages I received, I responded to maybe one.I soon found that online dating did not force me to be nice—actually, it required me to be mean.Yes, we’re all steeped in White Dude Culture, but date-worthy men and women should at least make an effort to escape a little bit. Double negative points if the favorites include Bret Easton Ellis or Norman Mailer. Comments about a woman being young, tiny, or child-like.
What It Means: I’m a pedophile, or I like my women weak.
The internet is a delivery system for any kind of pornography imaginable. A dater’s comment about how he is Such a Nice Guy is inevitably followed up by a lament about how women only like jerks—i.e., any guy who is not the Nice Guy. Because he sometimes does nice things for women, and they do not have sex with him in return. All of the user’s favorite authors, directors and musicians are white men, except that one rapper they like.
So he brings up his Niceness as a way to guilt women into sex. Then, he includes this information on his internet dating profile. What It Means: I am totally steeped in White Dude Culture. And if you’re a woman who dates men, recognize that a man who only cares about Dude Things may not care so much about your things at the end of the day.
Around this time two years ago, I created an online dating profile. I wasn’t opposed to dating, but I had exhausted the friends of friends category. She advised me that online dating probably wasn’t the path to a relationship, but it would get me out of my dating rut.
I had a busy social life, a job I liked, smart friends, and a general aversion to committed relationships—and no incentive to clear the way for dudes. Then my friend Priscilla—an attractive, normal, and well-socialized young woman—signed up for Ok Cupid.
“It’ll make you stop being such a judgmental bitch,” was how she put it.