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Until now everything he’d seen seemed to suggest that the kids liked it, but this toddler was clearly in pain.

Atop the shelf sat several chess and baseball trophies whose silver sheen had been dulled by dust, and he stared up at them as he tried to process what he had just seen.

He felt, he told me later, a combination of anger, sadness, and confusion.

He found himself attracted primarily to boys between three and seven and girls aged five to eight.

When I pressed him about what he finds most attractive in a child, he shifted in the car seat from side to side, and eventually managed to say: “Small body, hairless legs, you know, things like that…

“To the point that they’re kind of angelic.” This purity, he told me, is what keeps in check his urge to act on his desires.

“I see an innocence in children that would be violated,” he said.Seeing that toddler trussed up and in pain confirmed something he’d long suspected but now had to acknowledge.The man in the video was one of those guys they sometimes talked about on the news.It can be a confusing time for any of us, but imagine realizing that you’re attracted to little kids. Or is it possible for them to live a life without hurting children at all? I came across a site for self-described pedophiles who acknowledged their attraction and wanted help dealing with it.How do these young men and women negotiate that with no viable role models or support network? But the men I met were in their 50s and 60s, and I’d hoped to speak with someone younger, someone still coming to terms with what he was learning about himself.**Per official Gentlemen's Quarterly policy, this list is almost entirely cat-free.