To have all three, they feel they have to perform the person they think others want them to be.
Young men are terrified they’ll be rejected if they reveal their authentic selves.
It wasn’t that I was unaware of the consequences (like crashing the car, hitting the river bottom, or getting in a boating accident), I just didn’t think any of it would happen to me.But bad outcomes do happen, especially to young men: They represent nearly that die every day in car crashes in this country. There was nothing I could do but endure the punishment from my senior teammate — he was a good 8 inches taller and 60 pounds heavier then me. My teammates were standing around, cheering loudly — pushing me back into a boxing match with my senior teammate. I tried as best I could to hit him, but I was a scrappy 140-pound freshman.Introducing young men to mindfulness practices is a powerful and effective tool I use to help them address their anger in a healthy, direct way — not to squelch their anger, but to acknowledge it, sit with it, and most importantly make sure that you do not react from a place of anger to make a stupid decision that will harm yourself or someone else.
4: Accept My Range of Emotions When I was a young man, I tried to suppress everything.
3: How to Manage My Anger As a young man, I often burst into violent fits of anger.
Sports provided me with a culturally appropriate outlet for my anger: playing defense in a game of lacrosse allowed me to whack my opponents with a 6-foot titanium stick, for example.
Interestingly, most of these young men have an awareness of the difference between performing versus being themselves, but they don’t stop performing for fear of losing friendship or face.
I tell my young guys that if someone only likes them when they’re performing, that person isn’t a true friend.
Across our country, young men from all backgrounds are initiating themselves and the results are terrifying: There are over at fraternity hazing over the years.